"feeling His light on my face..."

"I've found that worry and irritation vanish into thin air the moment I open my mind to the many blessings I possess." - Dale Carnegie

I suffer from what I call "brick-a-brack of the brain." It's the feeling that I have a head full of thoughts, swirling and churning about, and not a one of them is worth thinking. Brain clutter. Noise. I don't know how common this is, but for me it's a near constant state.

Whoever said, "God is in the details," was wrong. Flat out wrong. The details are where the Devil lives, taking our minds off the important things and pricking us with worries, negative thoughts and forgetfulness about our blessings. But, ever so often, the light shines through...    

The other night I was driving back from volunteering as a social worker at Mercy Clinic, a free clinic in Athens, for people without money or insurance. As always, it had been a busy and blessing-filled shift. Many of the clients at Mercy have difficult lives full of challenges beyond their medical conditions. Most of the staff at Mercy is particularly in touch with the Lord. So, you can imagine the miracles that happen there, on an almost  daily basis. I've never been in a place where God's hands are so clearly on everything as they are at Mercy Clinic. Big revelations, small epiphanies, physical and mental healings, spiritual awakenings, all couched in the form of free medical care. It's amazing.

That night I was feeling sad, lonely and a little remorseful. My problems are clearly so small - nothing like a shift at Mercy to make that clear - yet they were overwhelming me. The Devil was along for the ride, pricking my brain with that tiny pitch fork of negativity he uses, telling me to focus on the wrong things, distracting me from looking on the bright side, beating me up for not being in touch with my blessings, making me feel small rather than secure and thankful.

It was raining and I was driving along sobbing, wondering what exactly what I was sobbing about. So, I started praying, more like talking to God, asking him for clarity and calm, a sense of direction and peace, a more clear recognition of all that is right in my life...Sometimes when I do this, I imagine my prayers sound like needy static from an old radio, floating up to Heaven. Other times, God clearly hears and reaches down to calm my heart, slow my mind, and commune with me.    

This particular night He was there and the thought that filled my mind and soothed my sobbing was a simple one. It was that the Lord's love, like the warm light of the sun, is always shining down on me. When I don't feel it, it's not because He's not there. It's because I'm in "brick-a-brack of the brain" mode. My lack of focus, not His.   

That might seem like a minor realization, especially to those who are closer to God, clearer in their faith or more spiritually aware. But to me, it was a new thought and a powerful revelation. He's always there, always. All I have to do to feel his warmth on my face is tune down the static in my mind. Easier said than done, of course, but it's a thought I've been trying to keep close and in many ways He's been helping me.

Relay for Life is coming up and I'm doing a series of stories on this year's honorary ambassadors. There are three each year, people whose battles, fights or journeys with cancer seem to particularly embody the spirit of victory. Last year the ambassadors' stories were fascinating, inspiring, uplifting and encouraging. This year's ambassadors'  stories sound like they will prove to be the same.

The thing about the cancer survivors and their families who I've talked with is how lit up with faith they are, how strong they stand with their Lord, and how He gives them the strength to do things they never, ever thought they could do. There is no "brick-a-brack" in their brains. They have more important things to focus on and their strength, determination and conviction is incredible.

I never liked the notion (1 Corinthians 10:13) that God will not test you beyond your strength. That makes it sound as if people like these strong cancer survivors brought their fight or journey upon themselves by being strong. It also allows people like me to take secret solace in our weakness. The second part of that verse holds the key: "but with your testing He will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it.” Problems huge and insignificant, His light is always shining on our faces; our challenge is to remember that.