just like that princess with the pea, I am HSP...

“Being a princess isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.” – Princess Diana

 Remember the fairy tale about the princess and the pea? She proved she was a princess by not being able to sleep on a stack of seven mattresses because there was a pea under the bottom one. Well, she may have lived happily ever after, but like me, she is HSP and like Mr. Clark, her Prince Charming probably had to learn to deal with that.  

HSP stands for Highly Sensitive Person. It describes those of us who are very, very sensitive to most every detail of what’s going on in our environment. HSP’s are affected by big things like loud noises, chaotic circumstances and sudden shifts in our reality. We are also affected by little things, like itchy clothing, a rock in our shoe or that humming noise some fluorescent lights make.

 For an HSP, being in a room full of people is like looking through a colorful kaleidoscope of other’s emotions – that’s best case. On worse days, in worse rooms, it’s like being on a rollercoaster where every bump, jerk, twist and turn is someone else’s emotion and there you are, stuck in the car, experiencing each and every one of them. Being this “in tune” helps us be good photographers, writers, parents, caretakers, artists, etc. It can also turn us into difficult people and poor party companions. ..

 One thing I’ve noticed about HSP’s is that we tend to choose relationships with non-HSP’s. Let’s face it, being HSP is no picnic, so someone needs to stay calm. My daughter is married to an HSP – a hint of lettuce on that “meat and cheese only” taco and my talented, funny, creative son-in-law is ready to jump over the counter and fix his own meal. My son, who was an HSC (Highly Sensitive Child) got over it, and married a lovely, witty, HSP wife – who actually is a gifted teacher of special needs kids. As for Mr. Clark, he’s used to things like having to go out on an emergency bird seed run because I’ve noticed the feeders are empty and I’m over-empathizing about how hungry, cold and sad those poor little birds are…  

Google HSP (or www.hsperson.com specifically) and you’ll end up at the website of Ph.D. psychologist Elaine Aron who is the expert on all things HSP. She’s written four books, a self test, a checklist for parents, a list of international HSP websites, an on-line newsletter and links to HSP gatherings and retreats. (Talk about a crowd that can’t get comfortable…)

I took the test and my score was 20 – 14 or more means you’re HSP – no surprises there. Then I signed up for the on-line newsletter (“The Comfort Zone”) and went to the virtual store. It was all books and audio cds, which looked good, but a mug is all I after.        

According to Dr. Aron, HSP is a recognized personality trait – not disorder – which means being HSP is normal. In fact, one out of every four or five people is HSP. It is also innate, meaning biologists have found HSP’s in most beings - from fruit flies to chimpanzees. HSP brains process information differently, which is why we are so sensitive. Under some circumstances, being HSP is a survival strategy as in all that being super observant and hyper aware can help one avoid being attacked or eaten. That’s why so many of our HSP behaviors are driven by the need to feel safe.

Another psychologist, Paul Foxman, describes HSP’s as caring, kind, loyal, compassionate people who are good listeners, good students, good employees and employers. We are high achievers who often go into “helping” professions.

Foxman says the down side of being HSP is that we become over-stimulated easily and then we melt down.  According to Foxman, HSP’s tend to be perfectionistic “all or nothing” types who prefer structure and have strong control needs. He links HSP with anxious and says we often worry and think negatively. We have high stress levels, take things personally and can be resentful.

Another interesting point both make about being HSP is that is valued differently during different times in history and from culture to culture. Whereas in some places and times I’d be a seer or a sage, in others I’d be simply seen as strange.  

My strategy with regard to being HSP is to embrace it as a blessing and be wary of it, like a curse. Because I’m so profoundly aware of what’s going on around me, I can take good pictures and write touching columns. It’s easy to know where to point the camera or how to craft the sentence when you are engulfed by every detail…During times of challenge, I must be aware when stress heightens and do what I can to avoid the melt down. Just because I have a tendency towards depression, anger, perfectionism or feeling overwhelmed, doesn’t mean I need to take that out on those around me. After all, many of the things that upset me don’t really matter at all; I can be okay with that and just let go.

 The Story People are a wonderful group of fictitious creatures who spring from the mind and experiences of Brian Andreas, a wonderful artist who is also bipolar and not medicated. He says, “I'm beginning to think peace is something we made up to keep us from being satisfied with all this luscious chaos." For those of us with special blessings and challenges, he might just be right.