“We’re born with millions of little lights shining
in the dark and they show us the way. One lights up every time you feel love in
your heart. One dies when it moves away.” – Passenger, “All the Little Lights”
We’ve been doing
some remodeling lately, which means sorting, cleaning, painting and reflecting
– a lot of reflecting - so many memories encapsulated in such a mess. Living in
a house, busy with the day to day, year after year, one doesn’t notice the wear
and tear that indicates time is passing. A mark here, a scuff there, a small
crack in the wall…Life goes on. We resolve to clean and patch, sort and
organize, but we never do...
Then, at some
point, the kids move on, life settles and slows, and it’s time to face the
disorganized mess that has become obvious between these now oh, so quiet walls.
It’s easy to stay distracted in a loud house full of activity, but once that’s
done, the long neglected boxes and bins filled with forgotten memories begin whispering
from the dark dusty places where they’ve been piled away…
“If you’re going
to move ahead you have to deal with us someday… “ those bins and boxes seem to
say. And, one look at the true state of these walls, closets, baseboards and cabinets
clearly indicates that “someday” is today.
Starting into
all this is hard; listening to music helps. An album I find myself playing over
and over again is “All the Little Lights” by Passenger. As I sift, scrub and paint,
the song about all the little lights has become a favorite. It’s a sort of
anthem for the process I’m going through – reliving the lighting up and going
out of so many little lights over the years…
Part of
repairing, repainting and remembering is to take some photos down and hang
others up. The work under way needs to be to archive rather than hoard - to
define how to honor all those little lights still shining and those that have
gone out, while leaving space for the lights still to come, the memories still
to be made, the photos still to be taken.
As I proceed, I find
each project has a tipping point - the point at which the possibility of completion
becomes clear and the need for closure sets in, becoming bigger and more urgent
than the search for distraction or the need to avoid. The act of finishing one
project provides inspiration to go on to the next…and the next…and the
next…And, before long, you realize that it feels good to take control of your environment,
as miserable and tedious as the process is.
At our house,
for the first time ever, the process of complete renewal has reached a tipping
point. There is no going back. I’m throwing away far more than I’m keeping and
that is as it should be. I can’t be headed into the future bogged down by
toting around too much of the past.
As I repaint,
renew, redo I reflect on all the little lights, tucked away or proudly displayed.
It occurs to me that a house is a home - not a museum. There should be some
blank space left on the freshly painted walls.
Initially, my hope
was to get the house organized before I put the garden in. Optimistic at best,
delusional at worst, the scope of the project far exceeds this timeline. Now
I’m wrestling with the need for balance – how to keep the home project momentum
going without letting it dominate my life? If I’m truly in this for the long
haul, I can’t let my need for closure in each room loom larger than putting the
garden in and attending to the other things that need attending to.
The key is to live
the process, steer a clear course during the journey and remember that life is lived
one room, one garden, one season at a time. There is a balance between obsession
with order and complete neglect. Just because I’ve not found that balance before
doesn’t mean I can’t find it now. My goal is to find that balance, learn to
maintain it and continue to experience the journey as a ride through all those flickering
lights along the way…
It will also
behoove me to stay diligent about cleaning. Chaos overtakes order much quicker
than order is reclaimed from chaos. Peace of mind can be found in a box of Swifter
dusters, a good vacuum, a quality mop and some clean-smelling cleaner. And, don’t
forget to add a non-negotiable cleaning schedule to the calendar. Then there’s
the music, whether it be listened to on Ipod headphones or blasted out of old
school speakers – to keep the momentum going, keep the music playing, in your
heart and in your head.
Hans Hofmann
said, “The
ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary
may speak." So true. I would add something about all the little lights,
shining in the dark and showing us the way…
No comments:
Post a Comment