What happened to Peter Pan & those Lost Boys?

“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing…” – Peter Pan 

A while ago my daughter gave me a beautiful hand-calligraphed print of Peter Pan’s philosophy: “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.” It features a pirate ship, also beautifully drawn, and is signed, “Love, from your Wendy and the Lost Boys.” It was a particularly special gift because it was a sort of thumbs up to the way I raised my kids and an indication that my daughter was glad things had been that way.

Our home was much more like the Island of Lost Boys than a well-run British flat. There was no nanny, lots of pets and friends, and plenty of treats. We had two rules and a guideline: Be safe; be kind; and, go do something constructive. My children and the ones that frequented our home followed those and our family lived in a state of constructive chaos, which was just fine with me. Kids, like weeds, thrive with a bit of neglect, which in our case, meant simply not being tended to and scheduled all of the time. 

I grew up in the early ‘60’s, before there were video games, DVD players, iPods, iPads, smart phones, Facebook or (LOL) text messaging. Kids had a lot of free time because the culture of one million scheduled activities for children hadn’t happened yet. Most of our moms stayed home and we spent our afterschool and summer hours roaming the neighborhood, creating our own games and making our own fun. Sugar was okay, sunscreen had not yet been invented and learning to amuse ourselves was a requirement.

My kids grew up in the ‘80’s and I used many of the same techniques my mom had used. There was no TV after school or during meals and no electronics at the table. Avoiding human contact with devices like headphones was not okay and sugar, in moderation, was just fine. Also, my kids were encouraged to play outside – A LOT. They were always in a few activities, but we were never over-scheduled…and, we did use sunscreen.

I wanted my kids to experience life without the buffer the constant use of electronics provides and I wanted them to learn to fill their time with more creativity than chronic over-scheduling allows for. 

On car trips my kids did what my brother and I had done – play games, stare out the window, taunt each other subtly enough our parents didn’t notice, and pass time imagining things. In quiet places, like church or the library, they drew, dreamed, read and/ or sucked on Lifesavers. We left the Game Boys and ear buds at home intentionally, our goal being to learn how to pass stretches of quiet time, together, creatively and constructively.    

 

It’s not that I’m anti-electronics – I’m as fond of my smart phone as anyone else. It’s just that I don’t let it dominate my life because I don’t want to miss what I might miss if I’m constantly scrolling through messages and such. Kids these days miss out because of their addiction to the use of electronic devices. They also miss out as a consequence of their constantly scheduled lives. If every waking minute is spent in a planned activity or plugged in, when is there time for play and imagining things?

It makes me sad to see a kid in church absorbed in his tiny computer game, earbuds in place, oblivious to the wonder of the stained glass windows or the organ’s majestic tones. It makes me sad to see teenagers tied to their iPhones rather than engaged or at least attempting to be social at family events, meals and holidays. It makes me sad to hear that a kid has no free time, ever…

 

What we create, when we schedule children so heavily and allow/encourage them to be constantly in need of entertainment, is a culture devoid of imagination and a bunch of people who can’t amuse themselves during the down time. And, life, once Peter Pan grows up, has its’ share of un-amusing down time.

Something very magical, useful and real gets lost when we no longer encourage, or indeed, expect our children to be able to create their own adventures. The Lost Boys could turn thin soup into a magnificent feast and, back in the day, my kids could become astronauts headed to the moon while riding in the backseat of a car. Too often these days, adventure, spontaneity, surprises and the simple joy of living get scheduled out of or electronically dissected from too many kids’ lives.

“’Pan, who and what art thou?’ Hook cried huskily. ‘I’m youth. I’m joy. I’m a little bird that has broken out of an egg,’ Peter answered.”

 Isn’t that what we want for our kids? If Pan had been plugged into his iPhone or little computer, he wouldn’t have heard Hook, let alone replied. And, if his calendar was too full for adventuring, he’d have grown up instead…I like the story better the way it is.

Parenting is hard and even creative chaos can be loud and annoying, yet the adventures shared are worth it. If we keep kids plugged in and constantly scheduled, magic has no opportunity to enter their lives and as Peter Pan often said, living is (or at least can be) “an awfully big adventure.”