“More marriages might survive if the partners realized
that sometimes the better comes after the worst.” - Doug Larson
Mr. Clark and I just celebrated our 35th wedding anniversary
which sounds like a very long time to some and like we’re just starting out to
others. I will admit, saying I’ve been married for 35 years sounds strange to me.
I don’t feel “that old” and there’s no way it’s been that long since we two
Hippie kids made a few promises we felt we could keep and celebrated over a
slice of carrot cake.
We began our journey on August 19, 1979. It was a glorious day for the casual outdoor wedding we planned – friends and family, nothing big, held at a little house we rented in the mountains outside Boulder, Colorado. It looked like a clip from a Woodstock film – men sporting pony tails or big bushy Afro’s, wide ties and even wider lapels; women in flowing gowns with tight perms or colorful flowers in their hair.
We lived by a pond, so the ceremony was on a dock my dad built especially for the occasion. We were married by the same judge who married my dad and brother to the wives they remain with today, so there was apparently some luck or blessing in having him officiate.
Mr. Clark rented a white tux with tails and I wore a sexy little off-white number I’d found in a thrift store for $35. Our entire wedding budget was $300, a gift from my dad, so we had to be both frugal and creative.
A friend who sold flowers at outdoor concerts said she’d arrange our flowers, if we’d buy them. A couple of friends who worked in restaurants said they’d make the food, if we’d provide the ingredients. Another friend offered to take pictures for the price of the film. And, one more made that marvelous carrot cake.
The ceremony was short – no “‘til death do us part” – just a
few nice quotes and enough sweet sentiment to see us through the next few
years, because that was as far as we could see. Mr. Clark’s parents were divorced
and so were mine; my brother was in his second marriage; and, our friends all said
they’d never marry, since love didn’t need a license to be true.
We didn’t have a registry and we didn’t get many lasting
gifts because, frankly, no one expected us to last. Instead, we had a honeymoon
fund and our guests gave generously, so we spent our first married week in
Cancun, Mexico back when it was a sleepy fishing village. Our days at the beach
and nights in “hamacas matrimoniales” – two hammocks hanging side by side in an
open beach hut - were a wonderful way to start the next phase of our adventure
together.
Fast forward a few years and our kids arrived – bam, bam, two
of them, 17 months apart…And on to those wonderful, tiring, every-hour-is-filled
child-raising years. Before we knew it, we were celebrating our 10th
anniversary. Twenty years together found us in Georgia with kids graduating
from high school. By our 26th anniversary both kids were out of college and
our daughter was married. Next came our son’s wedding, followed by some very
quiet time in our marriage. What to focus on now that our obvious job together
was done?
When Mr. Clark’s job fell prey to the recession in 2008, times got tough. He was out of work for nearly two years and that was a very difficult time for us. It was all well and good when we had kids to focus on and enough money to make ends meet, but during those dark times of unemployment, Mr. Clark and I rattled around the house we could no longer afford, trying to stay sane, not give up hope and not panic. It became very clear we hadn’t promised “for better or for worse,” and those “for worse” times almost got the best of us.
Now that Mr. Clark’s been back in the work force for quite a
while and we’ve gotten used to being “empty nesters” the “for better” times are
back again. In fact, we’re having some of the best times we’ve had together in
a long time. It’s fun and engaging to talk about “scaling back” and what comes
next and how we want to shape our next 35 years together.
That’s the thing about marriage – even after 35 years, it
can still surprise you. If you’d asked me on that dock that day if I’d still be
standing next to Mr. Clark 35 years later, I probably would’ve said it doesn’t
matter – so lovely was the “now” we were living in.
Our marriage has turned out to be a better journey and a
longer adventure than I expected. It’s been a deeper, richer, more challenging
experience than I could ever have imagined. We’ve shared times of closeness and
of great distance. And, all along the way we’ve been well-blessed and enjoyed
more than a few bits of good luck.
Our daughter gave us a framed picture of a heart with the words, “Mom and Dad, tied together by stuff too difficult to explain to someone new,” calligraphed on it. What a lovely gift and so true!
Anniversaries are one of those times when you ask yourself, “Would
I do this all over again?” My answer is,
“Yes.” Let’s renew those not-so-binding vows, eat another slice of carrot cake,
and see what comes next. After all, in another 35 years, I’ll only be 91…
.
No comments:
Post a Comment