“Perfect love sometimes does not come till the first grandchild.” – Welsh proverb
I had the good fortune to be the first grandchild for both of my grandmothers and for as long as I can remember we shared a special bond. I got to thinking about them the other day, after clicking on a “10 things I learned from my Grandmother” post on Facebook. On the surface, my grandmothers seemed like very different people, but they shared the same commitment to family, personal strength and profound wisdom that made them so special. The older I get, the more obvious it becomes that they had a fine and lasting influence on me.
So, here’s my “20 things I learned from my Grandmothers” list, along with a few lessons they tried to teach me, but I never got:
1.) Family always comes first. As Jackie Onassis said, “If you bungle raising your children, I don’t think whatever else you do matters very much.”
2.) Keep your house clean. Make it a safe haven and a welcoming place. Decorate with the seasons and generously for the holidays. If you want your family to enjoy coming home, make home a fun, festive, love-filled place.
3.) Learn to hold your tongue, but don’t be afraid to offer your opinion when you feel strongly that something needs to be said.
04.) Make your own happiness; it won’t be handed to you on a plate. Hard times are followed by better times, so suck it up and stick it out.
05.) You are strong enough to get through anything. Trust your gut and rely on your common sense.
06.) Carry lifesavers, gum, breath mints and Kleenex; be generous in handing them out.
07.) Nurture a garden – flowers, vegetables or both. Don’t be afraid to get your hands dirty – literally and figuratively.
08.) Go for a walk. Ride a bike. Take care of yourself. Stay in shape.
09.) Create something beautiful each day. Play music, paint, bake, plant, write, arrange flowers, sew, take photos, rearrange or decorate. Appreciate art in its many forms and celebrate the artist in you.
10.) Be an active listener. Express your sincere interest in others and their lives.
11.) Read, think, evaluate, exercise your mind. Learn from your successes and your mistakes.
12.) Buy nice things, take care of them and they will last a long time.
13.) Take time each day to stop and smell the roses, feed the birds, watch the sunset, enjoy a sweet scent on the wind. Savor nature’s beauty. Don’t forget to rest. Remember how to play.
14.) Write letters, send cards, enclose photos and clippings. Thank you notes are not optional. They are mandatory and should be prompt, specific and sincere.
15.) Smell nice - have a signature scent. You want your hugs to inspire pleasant memories, unlocked by that scent for years to come.
16.) Keep money of your own - preferably some cash, some stock and a separate savings or checking account.
17.) Think carefully about the gifts you give. Tailor them to the recipient – not your idea of who he or she should be. Make gifts fun, interesting and special.
18.) Loyalty is important; so is independence. Never let anyone make you less than you are or take away your belief in yourself.
19.) Keep candy and toys and chocolates handy. Everyone deserves a treat now and then...And, yes, all things in moderation, for stress, sweets and many of life’s other challenges.
20.) Remember that everyone is special and has something special to give. Look for that, nurture it, honor it and celebrate it.
And, now for the “5 lessons I wish I’d learned from my Grandmas, but didn’t:”
01.) Cook from scratch. Pour love into the food you serve by enjoying the act of cooking. Both Grammas were excellent cooks who reigned in their kitchens with grace, skill and ease. Not me; in spite of countless hours spent watching and imitating, their art was lost on me. My children know I love them, but there’s nothing culinary in their memories.
02.) Always wear lipstick, even while working in the garden or cleaning the house. And, never leave home without combing your hair and “putting on your face.” My Grammas both did this, a lot of women I know do this, but I’ve never been able to pull it off. Somehow, I’m always in the middle of something and making myself look presentable before going out into public is never a priority.
03.) You’re never too old to be fashionable. Your husband deserves pleasant arm candy. Your children don’t want to be embarrassed. You want to like what you see in the mirror. Nope! Fail again. Sorry Grammas, the joy of fashion, like the joy of cooking, simply eludes me.
04.) Change your sheets weekly and hang them out in the sun to dry. Even though I remember the heavenly smell of sun-scented sheets, I’m just too lazy to truck out to the line…Sorry if I’ve failed you, grandchildren-to-be.
05.) Be patient. Compromise. Try as I do, these are difficult for me…
My Gramma Ruth died some years ago; my Gramma Opal, at 100, is still alive and quite spry. Both women have been and continue to be such an inspiration for me. Thank you for the more-than-10 lessons, Grammas, in so many ways.
(PS - that is me, the first grandchild - age, maybe 2.)
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