Sandy Creek...thoughts, prayers and Christmas?

"These tragedies must end. And to end them, we must change." —President Obama at a vigil for the victims at Sandy Hook Elementary

Christmas is less than a week away and a few days ago 26 people, 20 of them  children, were massacred at an elementary school in Connecticut. How does one juxtapose these two realities? One doesn’t; at least, I don’t.  

I have no way to process tragedies like the one that happened at Sandy Hook. I can’t possibly imagine what those parents, teachers, families and friends are feeling. My thoughts just stop when I try to wrap my head around it…All I can do is pull my loved ones close and do what I can to create a few warm moments for every person and animal that I possibly can, as often and as generously as I can. Life is so brief and beautiful…

Since the massacre, we’ve been trying to process the un-processable, to express thoughts about the un-thinkable. The news is full of our attempts at this, as are Facebook, the blogs, private conversations and emails. One of the most comforting thoughts comes from Mr. Rogers.

He said, “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’ To this day, especially in times of ‘disaster,’ I remember my mother’s words, and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers - so many caring people in this world.”

That thought has comforted so many that it has “gone viral” and been shared on Facebook over 100,000 times. Thank you, Mr. Rogers, thank you.

In addition to hugging and praying and sharing comforting thoughts, we, as a nation, are looking at guns – our love affair and use of them. Should they be controlled? If so, how? Opinions on both sides of this issue are firmly held and fervently debated.

A friend of mine, Matt Perry, shared his thoughts eloquently and knowledgably in his blog, The Poor Wayfarer. His piece is called “The American Disease,” a reference to the term an Australian Prime Minister gave our “overabundance of guns and mania equating gun ownership with freedom, allowing military human-killer weapons to fall into the hands of anyone, including the mentally ill.”

Perry hunts and owns “quite a few guns.” His position is that, “We can hunt and protect our homes with average deer rifles and shot guns, weapons that are difficult to conceal and which have a low rate of fire…What is the purpose of an assault rifle? It's to kill people…The design of an assault rifle is to simply, chillingly, kill people efficiently…And, when we talk of  ‘assault rifles,’ we mean any weapon capable of semi-automatic fire, chambered for high velocity rounds and capable of mounting clips up to 30 rounds.”

My friend’s most powerful point is this: “We currently live in a society where it’s easier to buy an assault rifle and an extended magazine than to get medications for mental illness…Hand in hand with our problems with gun control is our unspoken tragedy of untreated mentally ill citizens.”

And, that my friends, based on my observations during eight years as an emergency room social worker, is true. I can’t tell you how many families I worked with who were facing similar issues to those the Sandy Hook killer’s family faced. How to get care and medication for the escalating mental illness of a loved one who is an adult and does NOT want care?

I watched “Love Actually,” a Christmas movie from 2003, starring Hugh Grant and Laura Linney (among others) the night of the Sandy Hook massacre. It is my tradition to watch that movie while I wrap gifts and I was in particular need of comfort that night.

My favorite part of the movie is the opening line, when Hugh Grant, (the Prime Minister of England) says: “Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaking suspicion... love actually is all around.”

I couldn’t agree more.

It’s time to rethink our love affair with assault weapons and retool our failing mental health care system. It’s time for a fresh debate on gun control. And, this Christmas, perhaps more than ever, it’s time for us to hold our loved ones near and do what we can for those whom we can.

"fearfully and wonderfully made"

“You need to give what you do not have. The thing you do not have is certitude and so you should give certainty to other people as a gift.” – Pastor Liz from “A Prairie Home Companion”

Thanksgiving is over and those leftovers are, thankfully, gone. Christmas is rapidly approaching and after that, New Years. It is a season of great joy, deep contentment, ongoing thankfulness and much excess. From Black Friday to Cyber Monday to all those last minute Door Buster deals, we are invited to overspend and overdo, and it is a challenge not to.

“Jesus is the reason for the season,” is the thought I use to keep my spending in check when the bright lights of the superstores begin to blind me; that and an ongoing awareness of how blessed me and mine have been, year after year. In truth, there is nothing anyone in my family needs.  

The holidays are also a time of physical excess. We eat too much; we drink too much; we sleep too little; we wear ourselves out, only to beat ourselves up for doing so. Hence, the vehemence of those New Year’s resolutions – we just feel so bad about all those delicious things we’ve been eating and drinking and enjoying way too much.

Anne Lamott, an author I truly enjoy, struggles with excess, body image, shoulds and should nots. Her post-Thanksgiving post on Facebook began with Psalm 139:14: “I will praise thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Marvelous are thy works and that my soul knoweth right well.” 

“Fearfully and wonderfully made…” Hearing that soothed my still-digesting soul and silenced the clamor in my head about eating too much, having too much and being too well blessed. What a wonderful description of our fragile, yet resilient selves, “fearfully and wonderfully made.”     

In our very own community we are witnessing a huge example of being “fearfully and wonderfully made.” It is the story of Tripp Halstead, the little boy who was severely injured by a tree limb that fell on him while he was playing outside at his day care on a windy day.  I don’t know the Halstead family and I’ve never met Tripp. I am, however, Facebook friends with several people who get the daily updates Tripp’s parents post and reading about their journey has brought more than one tear to my eyes.

Initially, Tripp’s parents were told to say, “Good bye,” that their little boy’s head injuries were too severe to survive. But, he made it through that night and the next night and all the nights that followed. Tripp is still alive and has recently moved from an intensive care unit to a hospital where rehabilitation is the challenge ahead.  

As a mother, I can’t imagine what Tripp’s family has been going through. I marvel at how strong and hopeful they remain. The community’s response has been generous, heartfelt and impressive and the tide of prayers, donations and well wishes shows no signs of ebbing. It’s clear Tripp has pulled on our collective heartstrings. His recovery has become a community cause that reminds us of how “fearfully and wonderfully made” we are. I hope he continues to defy the odds.

Tripp’s story, the Christmas story, the holidays, in general, remind me of how fragile and wonderful life is. One of the ideas central to the Christmas mindset, indeed the thankful mindset all year long, is the notion that the best gifts come from the heart.  

Pastor Liz from Garrison Keiller’s “A Prairie Home Companion” gave a sermon on that recently. The topic was, “You need to give what you do not have.” She talked about the widow who gave her last coin to Jesus and how that, among all the gifts he received that day, was the one that spoke to him. Pastor Liz went on to say, “The thing you do not have is certitude and so you should give certainty to other people as a gift.”

Perhaps that’s why I cling to life so tenaciously, feeding every stray animal or person that comes my way, and making sure those whom I love are showered with love and care and every piece of something that feels like certitude I can possibly give them. We, none of us, know what tomorrow will bring; so for now, take this hug, that can of cat food, a warm meal and let it create a few moments of certitude for you, from me.      

Tripp’s parents had no idea what lay ahead when they dropped him off at day care that morning…None of us know what comes next. I wish Tripp and his family continued strength and recovery. I know the prayers of this community will stay with them. As Helen Keller said,

“Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.”

Life is good; there is much to be grateful for, for we are “fearfully and wonderfully made.”